The timetable for O Levels is out!!!!!!

I'm super nervous/excites/anxious.

And actually, I can't wait for it to come (and be over and done with).

I was so excited/nervous after recess that I couldn't concentrate on SPA revision nor on the emaths test :/ SPA is tomorrow and here I am obsessing over my hair. Just cut it. A lot of it. Not sure how I feel. Don't think the news has really sunk in. Surprisingly, it's still only 8pm.

SS and bio are on the same day this year :( well, at least I'm not taking geog, it's on the same day as chem this year. Actually I felt quite relieved when I saw the exam timetable. It isn't too stamina demanding, and actually faster than the school's. English and both maths will be done in the first 5 days (first week, that is) and the other subjects in the next. Chinese would be the week after, if I don't pass the mid year paper. After that, it's just paper 1 for the sciences AND I'LL BE FREE.

I'm so motivated and excited right now. Sure hope I'll score an A for SPA tomorrow. How likely is that?

Labels: olevels, rambling

Success is not how far the rock skimmed. But how many times it rose above troubled waters. - Yellow Jacket

I got my bio test back today. 33/50. It's not too bad, average, but not good. I must aim higher. For every subject, I must aim to attain an A1 every time, not just a pass. CA1 and Prelims are very very important, especially if I want to apply for DPA.

I really really really must do my best this year. I must not let anything else distract me from my goal, I must focus.

Labels: motivation, quote, reflection

Guang Long, Thaddaeus, Yanta and Amos visited today. They were actually supposed to visit last Friday along with Anne, Rochele and Debbie (Must. Stop. Typing. Beddie.). Wanted to invite some primary school friends (lesser possibility of a rejection on a Friday, no?) but then my mum said my grandpa was alone so we should go over and accompany him, so it got cancelled, and we shifted it today, Monday. In the end we didn't even go at all because Alloy had some leadership day camp on Saturday from 6am-1.30pm. Overachiever already. Kidding... maybe. It was good that we didn't go, though, because he got sick during the weekend :/ But I digress. Today was crazy and passed in a flash.


I'm kind of really happy, today when I helped Ms Huda carry our English books to class, she asked for a favour; if I minded sharing my situational writing composition to the class because apparently she feels that I answered it well. To say I was pleasantly surprised was an understatement. Of course I replied with an affirmative! Gahhhhhhhhhhh I was so happy. I'm really elated because I improved so much!! 34/50 for comprehension (added a mark) and 23/30 for situational!!!!!!!! The compo mark exceeded my expectations/goals WAYYYYY MUCH. There goes my “good English" hahaha BUT I CAN'T HELP IT, I'M SO HAPPY. But this is going to be at the cost of my continuous writing, I think, because I did really sloppily.

That's pretty much the only thing I remember about school today. Other than the fact that we started on chapter 18 for amaths (differentiation of exponentials) and asexual reproduction for bio. I don't really understand putting plants/flowers under the category of asexual reproduction because it seems pretty much sexual to me? Without the sex. This is really awkward. I swear the bio lesson was really awkward, at least, for me. Well. How is sexual reproduction going to be?

For AP, we had Grand Review 4-6(?????) and a test on phrasal verbs (out). I managed to squeeze week 7's vocabulary and half of the next phrasal verbs, so it was quite productive! :) must work more on my grammar... after June. Must must must complete all my exercises in my amath textbook and hopefully the TYS during June, so I can start revision for everything else. If I'm productive enough, maybe I can squeeze in chemistry too. I don't know about history or SS or bio anymore, amaths and olevels are predominantly on my mind at all times. Really. It's always on my mind.

After AP, the boys came to my house! Well, they went to GL's house first to get mandarins hahahaha. Then they came over. Got to wear my new shirt today! It's pretty. Blue peter pan collar, lace-ish designs with a pumpkin sleeve. Oh look at me, I'm so professional at clothes. Hahaha I sound so... girly. It's really surreal.


Anyway, we had steamboat (first time for many of them to have real steamboat with friends). I gathered all the broccoli, cauliflower, oyster mushrooms and stalk(? those Japanese looking ones) mushrooms. Sounds so vegetarian. I had some fried stuff too. I'm not sure how to describe them, because I don't think they're a known dish??? At least, not to me hahaha. After we ate, Amos went on a nerd race to finish his math tuition homework, GL and Yanta played foosball (this is not a typo) with Alloy and... I dragged Thaddaeus to help me for our choir songs. I bet he's tired of and annoyed by me hahaha. Along with GL and Joel because I pester them so much during choir. I think I talk more with them, actually. Anyway... I got worse and worse as the evening passed. We took a few breaks, played some card games and slacked. Yanta left at 5.30pm-ish and me and Thaddaeus trudged on @-@ Amos was just drinking the drinks as he slogged on with the maths hahahaha. When even Amos left, we were still practising  Sighpie my ears are really bad! I really frustrated GL and Thaddaeus. They managed to fix me, though. Better than before because I can differentiate between the different parts and (pretty much, I think) get them right. I need to treat them for their birthdays. Order of 16 cupcakes, processing. If I don't pass the re-auditions, I'll feel really bad for letting them down. But again, I really don't want to take out too much time for things other than studying. I know CCA is CO-Curricular, and not POST-Curricular or anything, but in reality, grades are always more important. An L1R5 of 6 without subtracting points for CCA as opposed to an L1R5 of 15 with an A1 for CCA (that is, -2 points, so 13). What do you think? Of course, an L1R5 of 6 with a pass in CCA or A2 and above is favoured, but that's not really possible for me anymore  so I'll pass on that. Not that it's very probable for me to get 6 distinctions, but this is hypothetical., highly hypothetical.

I'm going to try to not talk/scream so much tomorrow, and practise after school. How am I going to do it alone hahaha my ears will pull me into deep shit. I still need to finish my math homework and Chinese compo!!! Piesauce. I'll bet you I have history and SS homework that I conveniently forgot, too.

I hope no one gets offended or anything with this post! I'll be satisfied if someone is amused by me and my friends' antics. Well, not really mine, because I'm a boring person, but my friends'. Photos were all taken from my Instagram hahaha I have bad photo-taking skills.

Labels: CNY, crazy friends, happy, results, school

Today I studied at McDonald's with Yanta again. Well, I did math and he did homework... Which was also math. I swear he's damn frustrated with me, but I really don't understand trigo! I'm getting it more now but still it's not good enough. I'm not gonna have a Yanta with me in the O's! I WISH. (wouldn't that be nice? getting — almost — full marks for a test/exam, wow.) I've to stop being all emotional about my frustrations over trigo. It's not gonna be of any help! I'm sure a lot of people are frustrated with it too but it's so hard to see the big picture when you have geniuses near you. You constantly think, why is it that they can do it, but you can't? And the answer is really painful. For me, it's because I'm not hardworking or self disciplined enough. Although, you will always find smarties — like Jun Kang, or Yanta, for examples — who don't really bother to study. I admire this breed of “genius" because, let's face it, who doesn't want to be effortlessly smart? Or effortlessly anything positive, really.

Imagine: your friend studied hard for the whole of the June holidays. And another, who only studied for the prelims the days before. Friend B gets better marks than friend A. Wouldn't you be envious and in awe of friend B?

I don't mean that Yanta doesn't study (I don't know about Jun Kang because I don't know him that well), he does, but he doesn't study that hard. Yet, he gets 7th in level. (and look at me, I'm the 77th. I get a “you tried” star.)

However, the people I admire and respect the most are those who work hard and achieve their aims, like Rochele or Choon Kong. Choon Kong is the best example. (then again, studying is his hobby, so...) I heard he improved a whole darn lot the past year(s). He's super hardworking too, I think. I really admire him because he even improved to the extent that he got 40/50 for his CA1 Comprehension paper. I'm still in shock because I never even thought that it was possible to get 33 before, which was what I got, and a personal best, which made me very happy. Knowing that someone actually got 40, however, made me think, hey, I could do that too, can't I? It isn't impossible! 40 isn't that far from 33. It's nice to have people like Rochele and Choon Kong around to remind us that hard work really does pay off.

Although I do laud them for their achievements, I don't think it's for me. I don't believe in sacrificing every other thing in my life for academics. (I also don't believe in memorising. I hate that word.)

Still, I don't think I could ever be like that. I'm so overwhelmed by the O levels. There's an average of about 20 chapters per subject. And I'm taking 5 — 6 if you count SS and History elective as separate subjects — studyable subjects. Are you kidding me?? I've been so overwhelmed by the big picture that I can't focus on the details. I don't feel prepared at all. I know it's too early to feel prepared and the teachers are supposed to help us, but I don't feel like it's enough!! I'm not really what's with this weird unsure feeling. I don't like it.
Amaths has become my life recently. I don't even study anything else, resulting in a drop of my okayish bio and SS/History results. Been making a conscious effort to keep up with and review my chemistry lessons, though. I'm quite worried for my emaths as well but it's overshadowed by its overwhelming sibling, amath. My worries for my grades overwhelm me sometimes. It's quite scary since I think I'm doing okay, my teachers think I'm doing okay, my mum thinks I'm doing okay, but I'm worried, so worried. Worries happen because you think, but you don't know.

To tell the truth, I actually felt not as worried as I had been before for my amath, because I was doing okay (again...). Then I reviewed trigo today. Trigo is the worst thing ever. I don't understand the concepts, there are too many things to trigo. It must be too deep a subject for the superficial mind (a.k.a. my shallow brain) to understand. Practising doesn't really help either. And there are so many questions on it in the amath O level papers! Or maybe it's just my fears getting the better of me, I don't know. I'm not too optimistic that I'll get better at this. Any good feelings I get by getting a question right is negated by getting a question wrong.

However, as the adage goes, opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Doing well in O levels will open many doors for me, no matter which path I choose. I'll need it for uni if I go to poly, and to get into the JC of my choice if I chose that path. I guess, in the end, there's no use second-guessing myself and having nothing done, it's better to trudge on, even if I get things wrong. At the very least I would've done something, corrected it and be sure to not make the same mistake. I must remind myself of this every time I feel down about my atrocious math ability and dunderhead-ness.

Labels: frustration, math, olevels

First post. Restarted a blog in hopes of catching the writing bug again.

Recently I've been troubled over where to go after my O's. I know I'm probably thinking too far ahead but I just feel a need to decide. I've asked many people for their opinions; my teachers and friends think that the JC (pre-U) route is better, while my family says poly is the way to go.

The first thing anyone should do when attempting a decision is writing down the pros and cons. I never really found the point in that since a pro might have bigger significance than a con, or vice versa. Quality over quantity, that is. But it helps organise my thoughts, I guess, so I'll attempt it now.

Many people say JC is a better choice because it's a clear-cut path to university or because it's easier to get into university. Personally, I don't really understand the big fuss over university but I guess that's my immaturity talking. Yes, yes, we need a degree — or three — to survive in these world, to get a job. The thing is, an easier path into university might not be the route for me. Yes, it's easier and faster, but I'm pretty much interested in only hospitality or social sciences. You could argue that I'm good at Biology as well but that's because I was interested. Or maybe because the teacher is nice, and I tend to perform better under those circumstances (i.e., wanting to please people). That sounds really weird and awkward but it's the truth. With my interests, there isn't much I could do in university. I'm only discussing Singapore universities, however. One thing I'm definitely sure I'm passionate about, if nothing else, is my love for Japan. I would love to major (or minor, anything, really) in Japanese Studies at the NUS but what could I do with it? Regarding social sciences (meaning Literature, Theatre, History, etc.), I don't think there's much I could do with degrees in those either. I feel as though I'm thinking way too far ahead but I've got to come to that sometime, yeah? Might as well think it all at once though it's kind of assuming of me, I haven't even finished my O's. If I do choose JC, though, I'd join the arts stream, and finally take Literature, a subject I've been yearning for for the longest time (since I was 11!), History, Econs or English Language and Inquiry, and Maths or Bio.

If I go to poly, I'd probably go to Temasek Poly. Team Temasek! Haha. Even though I'd love to enter Singapore Poly (because of the amazing opportunities they offer), I can't because they don't offer the course(s) I'm eyeing, namely Baking and Culinary Science, a Science course, or Culinary and Catering Management, a Business course. The cut-off points are kinda low (high?), though. It doesn't make me motivated to study! Haha. My L1R4 last year end was 13, not too good or something I'm very proud of, but good enough to get me in, which results in my being unmotivated. I'm aiming for DPA (Direct Polytechnic Admission) and the scholarship, however. So I've to work hard. I think the preliminary results are needed to apply for DPA, and a good impression is essential, so I can't slack. For the scholarship, I should probably have a single digit L1R4, but I think they'll still consider candidates under certain criteria. Another thing is the Diploma+ programme. I know I'm aiming for a bit too much, but aim for the moon and you'll land among the stars, right? Diploma+ means that I'll take two diplomas throughout my three years there, but I'll need to be one of the top 10 or 5% of the cohort in my year because it's a pretty tough programme. Plenty of competition. Do you even realise how many people are aiming for Temasek Poly? If I get selected, though, that would mean saying goodbye to my dream CDSes (Cross Disciplinary Subject — one is only allowed 3 and they should be unrelated to your course. i.e., a Science student should not take a science CDS. I think.), Introduction to Psychology, Basic Japanese, and then Essential Japanese (out pops my otaku) later on. You've no idea what a headache I had deciding on these. There are more that I'd love to take, namely Basic French, Basic Italian, Introduction to English Phonetics (hello, says my inner English geek), Fundamentals of Public Speaking, Critical Reasoning Skills and Introduction to Sociology. Alas, we are supposed to take only three. Oh, how could I forget, I would want to join the Japanese Cultural Club or the Debate club. I never got to participate in an official debate before, and I dearly want to. Stage fright and low confidence busts that, though. The likelihood of my joining the Debate team is quite low. Then again, I'd learn about public speaking, and try something new. Drama sounds interesting too, actually.

With my rambling, you'd think I'd be a cult Poly supporter. Indecisiveness appears! Should Zinc go to Poly, or JC?

Based on environment, JC would be better. I'd be swept along by the majority to mug (like now, due to Rochele). One worry in poly would be “bad influence” since the COP is quite low. I know not everyone who does badly academically has a crude personality, is a gangster, or doesn't put effort into school work, but you must admit this is more often than not. So if I choose poly, I'd need a ton more of self discipline which I am trying to cultivate in myself (and not succeeding). Regarding the teachers, I've heard that the professional chefs in TP have rather abrasive, caustic, and especially demanding personalities. Grumpy cantankerous French chefs come to mind. I'm not sure I could handle the abuse. I'm a fragile strawberry, you know. My own flaw that I should overcome. I don't know much about JC teachers, but since most agree the JC life is an extension of secondary school life, I will assume that the teachers are similar.

Taking university chances into account, I think that both paths — that I'm considering — are pretty much equal. Not much elaboration is required for the JC path, but for the poly route, I can go to SiT. It is mostly for poly graduates with related diplomas, videlicet Baking and Culinary Science (not directly related) and Culinary and Catering Management (directly related; think elevator school) for me. I could enter SiT-CIA's Bachelor Professional Studies in Culinary Arts Management degree programme. It offers many learning points (French!) and opportunities (a 3-week exchange programme to the sister school in America!) for me.

It seems I'm ready and raring to enter poly. Yet, I'm still plagued with second thoughts... Everyone tells me one same thing, regardless of side take in this seemingly ageless debate; to do my best and have no regrets in the O Levels. It never really hit me until I read this on the blog of my school's top scholar:
“ imagine, i'm collecting my olvl results right now. and i have gotten a terrible grade. i despair, and wish i could turn back the clock. boom. i am here now. the clock has turned back. i am given a "second" chance, of sorts. i must not allow my future to be dictated by fate! this is my motivation. "
(http://secluded-place.blogspot.sg/2012_05_01_archive.html)
This really hit home, as I didn't do so well for my PSLE. One could say to look at where I am now, but I'm nowhere close to being good enough. I want my mother to be so proud she'll be crowing for months, and to really, finally, be able to tell myself, I can do it. I have done it. I am able to do these things; I am not dumb, I am good enough.

Labels: decisions, olevels

The timetable for O Levels is out!!!!!!

I'm super nervous/excites/anxious.

And actually, I can't wait for it to come (and be over and done with).

I was so excited/nervous after recess that I couldn't concentrate on SPA revision nor on the emaths test :/ SPA is tomorrow and here I am obsessing over my hair. Just cut it. A lot of it. Not sure how I feel. Don't think the news has really sunk in. Surprisingly, it's still only 8pm.

SS and bio are on the same day this year :( well, at least I'm not taking geog, it's on the same day as chem this year. Actually I felt quite relieved when I saw the exam timetable. It isn't too stamina demanding, and actually faster than the school's. English and both maths will be done in the first 5 days (first week, that is) and the other subjects in the next. Chinese would be the week after, if I don't pass the mid year paper. After that, it's just paper 1 for the sciences AND I'LL BE FREE.

I'm so motivated and excited right now. Sure hope I'll score an A for SPA tomorrow. How likely is that?

Labels: olevels, rambling

Success is not how far the rock skimmed. But how many times it rose above troubled waters. - Yellow Jacket

I got my bio test back today. 33/50. It's not too bad, average, but not good. I must aim higher. For every subject, I must aim to attain an A1 every time, not just a pass. CA1 and Prelims are very very important, especially if I want to apply for DPA.

I really really really must do my best this year. I must not let anything else distract me from my goal, I must focus.

Labels: motivation, quote, reflection

Guang Long, Thaddaeus, Yanta and Amos visited today. They were actually supposed to visit last Friday along with Anne, Rochele and Debbie (Must. Stop. Typing. Beddie.). Wanted to invite some primary school friends (lesser possibility of a rejection on a Friday, no?) but then my mum said my grandpa was alone so we should go over and accompany him, so it got cancelled, and we shifted it today, Monday. In the end we didn't even go at all because Alloy had some leadership day camp on Saturday from 6am-1.30pm. Overachiever already. Kidding... maybe. It was good that we didn't go, though, because he got sick during the weekend :/ But I digress. Today was crazy and passed in a flash.


I'm kind of really happy, today when I helped Ms Huda carry our English books to class, she asked for a favour; if I minded sharing my situational writing composition to the class because apparently she feels that I answered it well. To say I was pleasantly surprised was an understatement. Of course I replied with an affirmative! Gahhhhhhhhhhh I was so happy. I'm really elated because I improved so much!! 34/50 for comprehension (added a mark) and 23/30 for situational!!!!!!!! The compo mark exceeded my expectations/goals WAYYYYY MUCH. There goes my “good English" hahaha BUT I CAN'T HELP IT, I'M SO HAPPY. But this is going to be at the cost of my continuous writing, I think, because I did really sloppily.

That's pretty much the only thing I remember about school today. Other than the fact that we started on chapter 18 for amaths (differentiation of exponentials) and asexual reproduction for bio. I don't really understand putting plants/flowers under the category of asexual reproduction because it seems pretty much sexual to me? Without the sex. This is really awkward. I swear the bio lesson was really awkward, at least, for me. Well. How is sexual reproduction going to be?

For AP, we had Grand Review 4-6(?????) and a test on phrasal verbs (out). I managed to squeeze week 7's vocabulary and half of the next phrasal verbs, so it was quite productive! :) must work more on my grammar... after June. Must must must complete all my exercises in my amath textbook and hopefully the TYS during June, so I can start revision for everything else. If I'm productive enough, maybe I can squeeze in chemistry too. I don't know about history or SS or bio anymore, amaths and olevels are predominantly on my mind at all times. Really. It's always on my mind.

After AP, the boys came to my house! Well, they went to GL's house first to get mandarins hahahaha. Then they came over. Got to wear my new shirt today! It's pretty. Blue peter pan collar, lace-ish designs with a pumpkin sleeve. Oh look at me, I'm so professional at clothes. Hahaha I sound so... girly. It's really surreal.


Anyway, we had steamboat (first time for many of them to have real steamboat with friends). I gathered all the broccoli, cauliflower, oyster mushrooms and stalk(? those Japanese looking ones) mushrooms. Sounds so vegetarian. I had some fried stuff too. I'm not sure how to describe them, because I don't think they're a known dish??? At least, not to me hahaha. After we ate, Amos went on a nerd race to finish his math tuition homework, GL and Yanta played foosball (this is not a typo) with Alloy and... I dragged Thaddaeus to help me for our choir songs. I bet he's tired of and annoyed by me hahaha. Along with GL and Joel because I pester them so much during choir. I think I talk more with them, actually. Anyway... I got worse and worse as the evening passed. We took a few breaks, played some card games and slacked. Yanta left at 5.30pm-ish and me and Thaddaeus trudged on @-@ Amos was just drinking the drinks as he slogged on with the maths hahahaha. When even Amos left, we were still practising  Sighpie my ears are really bad! I really frustrated GL and Thaddaeus. They managed to fix me, though. Better than before because I can differentiate between the different parts and (pretty much, I think) get them right. I need to treat them for their birthdays. Order of 16 cupcakes, processing. If I don't pass the re-auditions, I'll feel really bad for letting them down. But again, I really don't want to take out too much time for things other than studying. I know CCA is CO-Curricular, and not POST-Curricular or anything, but in reality, grades are always more important. An L1R5 of 6 without subtracting points for CCA as opposed to an L1R5 of 15 with an A1 for CCA (that is, -2 points, so 13). What do you think? Of course, an L1R5 of 6 with a pass in CCA or A2 and above is favoured, but that's not really possible for me anymore  so I'll pass on that. Not that it's very probable for me to get 6 distinctions, but this is hypothetical., highly hypothetical.

I'm going to try to not talk/scream so much tomorrow, and practise after school. How am I going to do it alone hahaha my ears will pull me into deep shit. I still need to finish my math homework and Chinese compo!!! Piesauce. I'll bet you I have history and SS homework that I conveniently forgot, too.

I hope no one gets offended or anything with this post! I'll be satisfied if someone is amused by me and my friends' antics. Well, not really mine, because I'm a boring person, but my friends'. Photos were all taken from my Instagram hahaha I have bad photo-taking skills.

Labels: CNY, crazy friends, happy, results, school

Today I studied at McDonald's with Yanta again. Well, I did math and he did homework... Which was also math. I swear he's damn frustrated with me, but I really don't understand trigo! I'm getting it more now but still it's not good enough. I'm not gonna have a Yanta with me in the O's! I WISH. (wouldn't that be nice? getting — almost — full marks for a test/exam, wow.) I've to stop being all emotional about my frustrations over trigo. It's not gonna be of any help! I'm sure a lot of people are frustrated with it too but it's so hard to see the big picture when you have geniuses near you. You constantly think, why is it that they can do it, but you can't? And the answer is really painful. For me, it's because I'm not hardworking or self disciplined enough. Although, you will always find smarties — like Jun Kang, or Yanta, for examples — who don't really bother to study. I admire this breed of “genius" because, let's face it, who doesn't want to be effortlessly smart? Or effortlessly anything positive, really.

Imagine: your friend studied hard for the whole of the June holidays. And another, who only studied for the prelims the days before. Friend B gets better marks than friend A. Wouldn't you be envious and in awe of friend B?

I don't mean that Yanta doesn't study (I don't know about Jun Kang because I don't know him that well), he does, but he doesn't study that hard. Yet, he gets 7th in level. (and look at me, I'm the 77th. I get a “you tried” star.)

However, the people I admire and respect the most are those who work hard and achieve their aims, like Rochele or Choon Kong. Choon Kong is the best example. (then again, studying is his hobby, so...) I heard he improved a whole darn lot the past year(s). He's super hardworking too, I think. I really admire him because he even improved to the extent that he got 40/50 for his CA1 Comprehension paper. I'm still in shock because I never even thought that it was possible to get 33 before, which was what I got, and a personal best, which made me very happy. Knowing that someone actually got 40, however, made me think, hey, I could do that too, can't I? It isn't impossible! 40 isn't that far from 33. It's nice to have people like Rochele and Choon Kong around to remind us that hard work really does pay off.

Although I do laud them for their achievements, I don't think it's for me. I don't believe in sacrificing every other thing in my life for academics. (I also don't believe in memorising. I hate that word.)

Still, I don't think I could ever be like that. I'm so overwhelmed by the O levels. There's an average of about 20 chapters per subject. And I'm taking 5 — 6 if you count SS and History elective as separate subjects — studyable subjects. Are you kidding me?? I've been so overwhelmed by the big picture that I can't focus on the details. I don't feel prepared at all. I know it's too early to feel prepared and the teachers are supposed to help us, but I don't feel like it's enough!! I'm not really what's with this weird unsure feeling. I don't like it.
Amaths has become my life recently. I don't even study anything else, resulting in a drop of my okayish bio and SS/History results. Been making a conscious effort to keep up with and review my chemistry lessons, though. I'm quite worried for my emaths as well but it's overshadowed by its overwhelming sibling, amath. My worries for my grades overwhelm me sometimes. It's quite scary since I think I'm doing okay, my teachers think I'm doing okay, my mum thinks I'm doing okay, but I'm worried, so worried. Worries happen because you think, but you don't know.

To tell the truth, I actually felt not as worried as I had been before for my amath, because I was doing okay (again...). Then I reviewed trigo today. Trigo is the worst thing ever. I don't understand the concepts, there are too many things to trigo. It must be too deep a subject for the superficial mind (a.k.a. my shallow brain) to understand. Practising doesn't really help either. And there are so many questions on it in the amath O level papers! Or maybe it's just my fears getting the better of me, I don't know. I'm not too optimistic that I'll get better at this. Any good feelings I get by getting a question right is negated by getting a question wrong.

However, as the adage goes, opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Doing well in O levels will open many doors for me, no matter which path I choose. I'll need it for uni if I go to poly, and to get into the JC of my choice if I chose that path. I guess, in the end, there's no use second-guessing myself and having nothing done, it's better to trudge on, even if I get things wrong. At the very least I would've done something, corrected it and be sure to not make the same mistake. I must remind myself of this every time I feel down about my atrocious math ability and dunderhead-ness.

Labels: frustration, math, olevels

First post. Restarted a blog in hopes of catching the writing bug again.

Recently I've been troubled over where to go after my O's. I know I'm probably thinking too far ahead but I just feel a need to decide. I've asked many people for their opinions; my teachers and friends think that the JC (pre-U) route is better, while my family says poly is the way to go.

The first thing anyone should do when attempting a decision is writing down the pros and cons. I never really found the point in that since a pro might have bigger significance than a con, or vice versa. Quality over quantity, that is. But it helps organise my thoughts, I guess, so I'll attempt it now.

Many people say JC is a better choice because it's a clear-cut path to university or because it's easier to get into university. Personally, I don't really understand the big fuss over university but I guess that's my immaturity talking. Yes, yes, we need a degree — or three — to survive in these world, to get a job. The thing is, an easier path into university might not be the route for me. Yes, it's easier and faster, but I'm pretty much interested in only hospitality or social sciences. You could argue that I'm good at Biology as well but that's because I was interested. Or maybe because the teacher is nice, and I tend to perform better under those circumstances (i.e., wanting to please people). That sounds really weird and awkward but it's the truth. With my interests, there isn't much I could do in university. I'm only discussing Singapore universities, however. One thing I'm definitely sure I'm passionate about, if nothing else, is my love for Japan. I would love to major (or minor, anything, really) in Japanese Studies at the NUS but what could I do with it? Regarding social sciences (meaning Literature, Theatre, History, etc.), I don't think there's much I could do with degrees in those either. I feel as though I'm thinking way too far ahead but I've got to come to that sometime, yeah? Might as well think it all at once though it's kind of assuming of me, I haven't even finished my O's. If I do choose JC, though, I'd join the arts stream, and finally take Literature, a subject I've been yearning for for the longest time (since I was 11!), History, Econs or English Language and Inquiry, and Maths or Bio.

If I go to poly, I'd probably go to Temasek Poly. Team Temasek! Haha. Even though I'd love to enter Singapore Poly (because of the amazing opportunities they offer), I can't because they don't offer the course(s) I'm eyeing, namely Baking and Culinary Science, a Science course, or Culinary and Catering Management, a Business course. The cut-off points are kinda low (high?), though. It doesn't make me motivated to study! Haha. My L1R4 last year end was 13, not too good or something I'm very proud of, but good enough to get me in, which results in my being unmotivated. I'm aiming for DPA (Direct Polytechnic Admission) and the scholarship, however. So I've to work hard. I think the preliminary results are needed to apply for DPA, and a good impression is essential, so I can't slack. For the scholarship, I should probably have a single digit L1R4, but I think they'll still consider candidates under certain criteria. Another thing is the Diploma+ programme. I know I'm aiming for a bit too much, but aim for the moon and you'll land among the stars, right? Diploma+ means that I'll take two diplomas throughout my three years there, but I'll need to be one of the top 10 or 5% of the cohort in my year because it's a pretty tough programme. Plenty of competition. Do you even realise how many people are aiming for Temasek Poly? If I get selected, though, that would mean saying goodbye to my dream CDSes (Cross Disciplinary Subject — one is only allowed 3 and they should be unrelated to your course. i.e., a Science student should not take a science CDS. I think.), Introduction to Psychology, Basic Japanese, and then Essential Japanese (out pops my otaku) later on. You've no idea what a headache I had deciding on these. There are more that I'd love to take, namely Basic French, Basic Italian, Introduction to English Phonetics (hello, says my inner English geek), Fundamentals of Public Speaking, Critical Reasoning Skills and Introduction to Sociology. Alas, we are supposed to take only three. Oh, how could I forget, I would want to join the Japanese Cultural Club or the Debate club. I never got to participate in an official debate before, and I dearly want to. Stage fright and low confidence busts that, though. The likelihood of my joining the Debate team is quite low. Then again, I'd learn about public speaking, and try something new. Drama sounds interesting too, actually.

With my rambling, you'd think I'd be a cult Poly supporter. Indecisiveness appears! Should Zinc go to Poly, or JC?

Based on environment, JC would be better. I'd be swept along by the majority to mug (like now, due to Rochele). One worry in poly would be “bad influence” since the COP is quite low. I know not everyone who does badly academically has a crude personality, is a gangster, or doesn't put effort into school work, but you must admit this is more often than not. So if I choose poly, I'd need a ton more of self discipline which I am trying to cultivate in myself (and not succeeding). Regarding the teachers, I've heard that the professional chefs in TP have rather abrasive, caustic, and especially demanding personalities. Grumpy cantankerous French chefs come to mind. I'm not sure I could handle the abuse. I'm a fragile strawberry, you know. My own flaw that I should overcome. I don't know much about JC teachers, but since most agree the JC life is an extension of secondary school life, I will assume that the teachers are similar.

Taking university chances into account, I think that both paths — that I'm considering — are pretty much equal. Not much elaboration is required for the JC path, but for the poly route, I can go to SiT. It is mostly for poly graduates with related diplomas, videlicet Baking and Culinary Science (not directly related) and Culinary and Catering Management (directly related; think elevator school) for me. I could enter SiT-CIA's Bachelor Professional Studies in Culinary Arts Management degree programme. It offers many learning points (French!) and opportunities (a 3-week exchange programme to the sister school in America!) for me.

It seems I'm ready and raring to enter poly. Yet, I'm still plagued with second thoughts... Everyone tells me one same thing, regardless of side take in this seemingly ageless debate; to do my best and have no regrets in the O Levels. It never really hit me until I read this on the blog of my school's top scholar:
“ imagine, i'm collecting my olvl results right now. and i have gotten a terrible grade. i despair, and wish i could turn back the clock. boom. i am here now. the clock has turned back. i am given a "second" chance, of sorts. i must not allow my future to be dictated by fate! this is my motivation. "
(http://secluded-place.blogspot.sg/2012_05_01_archive.html)
This really hit home, as I didn't do so well for my PSLE. One could say to look at where I am now, but I'm nowhere close to being good enough. I want my mother to be so proud she'll be crowing for months, and to really, finally, be able to tell myself, I can do it. I have done it. I am able to do these things; I am not dumb, I am good enough.

Labels: decisions, olevels